be bad, be mine.
well, maybe that is very amazing to be the love of someones life.
i could never get it. for me it felt just as excessively めんどくさい。
i mean, i am bad enough to throw away all the feelings stuff and
just enjoy the fun part and good enough to give it at request. but.
that is ultimately strange, after 15 years? of being in so love with
me, have no strength just to call me in person and ask on the sides.

but as soon as it has nothing to do with me, let it snow as it snows.
someones is spending decades of years, being stupidly dependent.
on me. that is not flattering, someones love is always that troubling.
and since there is no fun, it is very troubling.

i am not remembering myself, begging someone for love. what is love?
i remember myself, begging someone for such a simple thing. initially.
and that arrogantly cruel 逃げちゃだめだよ。 逃げれないてことかな?
i like people, from whom i can learn something, who is somewhere
higher, nope. deeper. whether it is wise upgrade or the depth of decay.

i do not stand weak people.
might as well said, prefer being taken by force.

these two, yups. easily can have the upper part.
しようとしたね。

でも、それは初恋、そんなに初恋。
考えるだけで吐きそうー(´;ω;`)ウッ…

@темы: violet illusions

20:04

~.

be bad, be mine.
я поняла, что делает мою жизнь несказанно несчастной!
мне срочно нужен новый большой шкаф с раздвижными дверями.
белый, наверное.

горы одежды оказывают на меня психологическое давление.
надо их убрать. в шкаф. чтобы не создавалось впечатление
что одежды столько что больше просто нельзя покупать )
ибо можно и нужно.

@темы: in all its grandeur

08:31

.

be bad, be mine.
i am excessively glad that,
bro came to be taking my shadows lightly.
as well as the part of deception and all of.

of the two of us, saying which color suits you more,
who do you believe?

その人ー。

笑・・

it goes without saying, i can not run away from my oath.
might at least have some freedom and favorite shadows.
all of my favorite shadows are locked up in the central mansion.

aw.

@темы: aiseru, those, who obtained the first sunrise

be bad, be mine.
all those wonderful remarks about my ultimately great
style, make me think that i am somehow managing
the hard part of going along with the status i do keep )
not doing it would have been at least very stupid of me.
even though it is somehow めんどい i am already used.

but my, oh my how i want to go underground for a while.
expectedly, next month.

@темы: crowned with snow, our morbidly pleasant place

be bad, be mine.
i hear you're asking all around, if i am anywhere to be found
but i have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms.

でもー、
多分・いつか・つづく・
繰り返しじゃなくて、戻ることでもなく。
つづくんだよね。そのときからの次を・・・

続きたいって言えばどうだろうな。
以前との違うの私にくらべたら、

お前にはなんも変わらないと思うよ。

でもー
私にとってあの子は消えただけで。

本当に消えたっていつも信じたいの。

お前のこと考えたら、なにも感じない。
感じなくても、未来をちょっとだけ見える。
うれしくさせるのだろか。

お前はさ、
終わってねぇじゃねいかよ。
私の頭の中で。

終わらなくていけどねー。なんとなく。

@темы: transparent poison

20:40

.

be bad, be mine.
bringing here my authentic Fender is so fucking problematic.
that is why in ten days i am buying myself something cheap.
to practice. 15000 and happiness is materialised, apparently.

next door people are about to kill me, anyways.
sometimes i think, i do 声出す highly on purpose.
but that can be worked out, my guitar is so not <3

@темы: shimmery light, dreams, we're dreaming

10:29

.

be bad, be mine.
somehow it makes me smile,
i still can comprehend all the french lines.
francais is beautiful, i give him this much )

probably, should level up my speach. soon.

@темы: dreams, we're dreaming

18:19

.

be bad, be mine.
i have been always amazed by the highly much idiotic
will of all the linguists to show off their ultimate greatness.
how can you name a person, who is spending five years
to learn the only language and capable of nothing by that?
being too honest, not capable of that language as well.
cos the well known fact is that no one speaks the books.
and linguists can not speak nothing but their super right grammar.

here we have the question,
who needs here someone, who speaks japanese.
we are all speaking a perfect native japanese here.

why makes you so special?
...
i am more into those, who at least skipping the uni but
finishing 専門学校、at least it gives them something )
in the range of practical knowledge.

i see nothing wrong in the linguistic major as it is.
myself i am planning to enjoy masters in creative writing.
but that is a privilege for those, who do not need to work.
do not need to go through the integration into this society.
that is quite for yourself to enjoy.

but making this a statement of a competetive course?
linguistics? who needs your linguistics? a wretched one.
especially.

帰れ帰れー。

@темы: our morbidly pleasant place

be bad, be mine.
toefl - 29/05
sat - 04/06
nns - 03/07

the question is who needs my nns-1?
as soon as no one needs it, i am not spending money this july.
let us concentrate on english which is ridiculously easy luckily.

i am worried about math.
but i have bro, who is great at it and Yuki, who is a teacher of math.
and i have me, graduated from a math school years years ago. yup.

be bad, be mine.
итак, мы все завязли на месяц в противном состоянии тендона.
(который на самом деле 停電;) когда магазины работают до шести
а потом весь город погружается в жутковатый мрачнистый мрак.
долго что-то они тянут кабельки на Фукусиме. быстрее пусть тянут.
более того, сегодня вместе со счетом на электричество нам пришла
очаровательная красная открыточка из tepco с сообщением в виде

馬鹿、電気ムダなく上手に使え!

:lol: :lol:

братец говорит, что это адресовано лично мне.
во всяком случае там опять нанесло 6000 йен.
в условиях экономии это можно считать за растрату. ай яй.
...
удивительно, какое успокоительное действие на организм
оказывает большая кружка ванильного имбирного латте )
между тем, я наконец стала обладателем великолепной
коллекции винтажных открыток с Парижем из Сан-Франциско.
восемь штук отправлю кому-нибудь в виде лотерейного щастья.
Париж - это мой город, я нежно его обожаю.

все продолжают приходить открытки и сообщения поддержки.
ну как-то, приятно и тепло что стольким людям не все равно.
особенно в этом плане мне симпотичны американские ребята.
ну вроде как goes without saying что у нас дружба держав w
надеюсь что Сан-Франциско этой осенью-зимой все в силе.
(в первую очередь жду пляж и море и де-люкс в начале лета)

завтра продолжу поход по магазинам и растрату ресурсов.
а то сегодня все захлопнулось и кроме как шести тысяч я
не успела потратить ( восторг.

я не знаю почему все думают, что если я расстраиваюсь
и мне дать много денег то мое настроение изменится )))
по существу все верно, но братец обещал подумать что
можно сделать с работой чтобы она меня не нервировала.
своей многоохватностью.

постепенно подстраиваюсь под свой режим работы в ночь.
ложусь теперь в семь утра, лепота.

мне обещали переслать Гессе и Майринка для компании.
ну пусть шлют, полистаем )

в общем-то, жизнь прекрасна.
особенно когда есть индивиды у которых в жизни все ни к черту.
но они так отчаянно стараются это скрыть под выражением своего
мнимого счастья что доставлят еще больше удовольствия зрить.
когда другим ну очень плохо, а тебе с ними хорошо. перефраз))

@темы: embracing the heart, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

be bad, be mine.
i miss my favourite lovely sins.(
probably i should work sooner.
it is difficult to imagine more depraved and decayed job.
so probably my wish for 清潔のない私 will be full-filled.
too much 正しい and きよい in my life recently.

this scent of immortal morality makes me highly sick.
was not born to live for this even a minute.

writing my name with *purity* is a sophistication w.
...
orange tea, one call and five hours sleep.
some beautiful dresses to buy tomorrow.
(even though i have only 10 000 yen >//////<)
no more crying, blaming, denying and bla-bla.

it is nice to recall i have always a way to the side, open.

good morning, day. bless us all since we are so ..us. <3

@темы: transparent poison

23:24

.

be bad, be mine.
and after all the mess, i caused to this decayed soul.
getting the word back means i can call back my right too.
いつでも戻ってもいい所。

そんなにそんなに帰りたいんだよ。
そうでもまだ、早いのだろなー。

もう少しの時間、待っててあげる。

@темы: bloodstrained

23:17

.

be bad, be mine.
bro is working 12 hours a day 5-4-4-5.
i am trying to negotiate with this disaster.
probably i should be on my knees to our
impossible *adorable* society where norm is 16+.
and where bro has a free shift at his godlike will.
that is why respectively he has five weeks of holidays.

but fuck me please, that is impossible.
at least 11 hours will do but bro is stubborn like a donkey.

40 000?
earning as much as he does, caring about 400 euro is
his higness stupidity.

not that it is so painful and edging on me, apparently.
but when i feel lonely in my mansion, i prefer going um.
somewhere else, where i can build the illusion of home.

Ryu was accurately asking me back then,
whether i am sleeping with him out of a loneliness.
which is, respectively, quite disgraceful for the both.
and quite less fun for the reasons.

i hate to be alone in the mansion, it drives me blind.
bro is always the only one to be blame in my ranging.
knowing my fears and dislikes as no one maybe does.

i will be so predictable to call that number again soon.

@темы: transparent poison, dreams, we're dreaming

22:59

.

be bad, be mine.
いやだ。


be bad, be mine.
most likely, i am stuck (on rewind) this month as well.
bro is tenderly making his poisoned sarcastic remarks
(how much poison he is letting go through my veins, aw)
that i am doing nothing but decaying self-destructive activity.
sex, sleeping over, spending sources on stupid stuff (sssss),
staying still if you want to make a call to it. how evocative, yay.

i promised myself that first three months, i got home
i do nothing but enjoy my sophisticated aristocratic life.
long enough, need to do something. pretty much at will.

starting tomorrow, let us go back to my perfect activities.
including prepairing to toefl/sat/nns1, reading something
about sociology and the spanish history (i am so always
crushing on Aragon queens and kings <3) and that my
lovely Reneissance. brushing up everything about the same
guys. should i call back to Masaccio, maybe? quite yes.
and write sensei that i am not giving up aesthetics. for good.

how can i give up aesthetics? i am so much incredible in it (**)

do something interesting, at least.
and stop my perfect as well decay for a while.
not that i do not enjoy being decayed and fallen.

but i still have my aims to complete.

@темы: in all its grandeur, crowned with snow

be bad, be mine.
ベル様今日はヤバかった。

as the centuries passing, nothing is changing.
and of all that is the happiest ever thing, to me.
time is not affecting us at all, seems.

strawberry on breakfast, jasmine tea and tenderness.
with the taste of subtletely refined cruelty.

j`adore.
...
surprisingly amazing, how i am used to have myself covered.
and how uneasy that is when some part of this coverage gone.
my masters, my brothers, my lovers. or the people i barely use.
would i ever get rid of it, probably my perfect castle wille be off.
minding this sinful current existence, respectively.

coming to a self-climbing-stairs that is pretty much of a solemn run.
although, i am always considering Oliver`s shadow somewhere behind.
as the experience showing, when i am near to somewhere terminal
(including natural disasters), he will definitely show off to caress my hair.
as expected.

lightly, the one who is changing the surroundings once in a half year,
should be definitely approved as a self-assured and separated being )
apparently. quite nicely, comparable eternity is way in the other ways.
just could not have shared the voluntary solitude in the terms of long
and cold eternity, probably all of us could have not.

today is raining, yes.

@темы: those, who obtained the first sunrise

be bad, be mine.
愛しかない結婚は愛冷めたとき、なにも残らない。

そのとうりだー。
that for the question, why we do have to stay with someone of our circle.
minding the blood and social subtleties.

no matter how you look at this, it is always working on.
at least, in this place where the traditions are being kept.

i think, that is a good thing. to be with someone like you.
but probably, being お嬢様 i can not get the eagering heart.

益々だね。

@темы: violated rainbows

09:40

.

be bad, be mine.
honestly, it was so strange and depressing.

when our adorable Tokyo, always lightnen and bright,
the most beautifully illuminated in the nights, over n
over again going into blackout, when there is no neon,
when there are two kilometer naranderring people for
buses. when your favourite malls are all closed and dark.

yay, that is really something you can experience once
in a hundred years. night bless us all, but not anymore.

yay for those fools, who went out our awesome land.
that is really relieving. i am all in eating some radioactive
salad but it goes already without saying, FS is all right )
...
i have to think how to use bros five weeks holidays.
he is definitely using half of that to return to the c/m
(which i will probably will not be able to avoid as well)
and apart of america has no interest in europe at all.
probably, i should drag someone into this. Ryu?
i have some not preferences in travelling alone ever since.
but since europe grants me the numerous homes of my
family, probably it will somehow do.

even though, i am pointing my priorities to the moving.

love me more, my dear land.
give me the salary of 300.000/monthly at least.
please, please, please.

bro is saying if i can go along with my character,
that is not a problem. がまんがまんがまんー!

there is a baked bread in the morning bakery,
Japan is all right <3.

@темы: crowned with snow, our morbidly pleasant place

21:12

.

be bad, be mine.
my, how i want to move in a new mansion already.)
great, new built, beautiful and my own designed one.
lightly predictably, during this summer.

@темы: crowned with snow, our morbidly pleasant place

be bad, be mine.
i must admit that,
only knowing that i can call you for help
makes me feel overprotected and calm.
that if i ever need to be saved, you will.
(probably) save me. because something
keeps telling me, you do care if i am hurt.

in the very end, that is my salvation place.

pray even more, girl.
you would have not even need it for use.
no matter how you that desperately want it.

しばらくこのままでい。

@темы: bloodstrained