damn it,
instead of being sunk down in disgust i feel sadness.
that water and water again and ever is not working out.
that no one is going to give in being lil better.
shutting it down to accidental as the way out.
but jeez, it was accidental. no matter how you look at that.
i made mistake. i knew i would make it and yet went to.
thats something very human and not at all what i was taught.
i can pass sometimes still instead of thinking before the range.
and what am i doing now?
writing back after leaving the house in the morning?
never.
i have a pride, too.
...
instead of that, i should meet with someone who will
bake me chocolate cake, writing sweet letters and go home.
learn something about this world, go buy some kare and rice,
run towards my little good sister to hold her closely and warm.
not making some dangerous connections.
not letting myself standing below the level, i belong.
ancient stories on the shelves, private residencies -- it will pass.
i should learn the way how to not return there even if called back.
it never worth it in my case. and there is always a price to pay.
maybe one day when i become deeper enough, like Oliver was.
now i hit misses sometimes. and i want definite hits.