...
every time (not so often, not so much left)
i made my way to the russian embassy,
there is always a chance to praise myself.
because i look at these women,
very very russian, showing off humans -
with children or with no children anyway.
and silently pity them all advancebly yes.
praising myself for the fact that
i did better than my best in amalgamation.
well my family says, i am naturally japanese.
so there is not much to be moarning about.
but still, i did better than my best for that.
at least, for remembering. for being back.
sometimes even if you have capacity of.
it is not enough to make it from latent to live.
i am going to repeat it with every my day.
i am proud to be Japanese.
i love my land, i remember my customs.
i will be a good girl to remember Heian.
as my mother yesterday said -
we live in the land, separated from the whole world.
that is why, probably all the world is being envious.
of our happiness. of our 平和. of only our dear world.
even if i can not become like this woman in the future,
i still want to become like she in a lot of things **
she is beautiful and strong. i respect her greatly.
...
being traced back to the question why am i not
choosing the path of someone with Keio, status, money.
why am i not having patience for feelings and contracts.
wanting to be with someone like me, even though it can
not lead me to the first line. to the highest aristocracy.
i am a child, i am not a queen.
hence, i prefer to be the little princess.
i prefer to be forgiven for my sins n all.
being there, i will loose my chance to commit sense.
to commit a mess. restricted to gawns and meetings.
my mum says i will fail myself, if not make a good match.
but i never needed it in the first place, respectively.
i want always to be able to play low. to be able to do that.
that is my lowest human sinful nature, it can not be erased.
bro forgives me everything until i keep my oath. that is it.
but if we both play better, we can be on the second line.
not so bad. mansion in the central Tokyo, mansion on the seaside.
couple of mansions in the countryside we can always be back to.
that is a life to be quite desired to live. most of the people have no
skills, pride and characters to live. we are not being sad about the
fact we will not be able to buy ourselves a mansion for 100 million yen.
we are good with 50 million. yups. the second line, not the first one )
the second line has the greatest pros for commiting sins.
imperial palace will not cover this little desired ability.
to play low and harsh at my please. i am taking that.
we have been together from the first sunrise.
long enough not to care much about social positions.
yet, we keep a sweet one.my family is so exciting about the wedding.
so i have no choice but to call them all, seems like
bro still does not tell anything about it to his excessively
wonderful friends from the stage (i am making profit of it!)
making the surprise out of it and out of me.
but the nearest wedding is July.
i wonder, how much big of surprise i can be to them all.
<3.
...
just thought about the fact that in case with Naoki we did
make water and water work. in the very end it took two years,
but hell it is legendary even now, the bonds we managed then.
at least for my family, which using our names in a set >\\\\\<
thinking now, how did i make it? 適当？i do not quite tell.
indeed, it was without realizing, pretty much on a shamrock.
but as expected, it is perfect and eternal and never to be passed.
i wish 適当方法 worked in the case of Ryu as well back then.
but fuck fuck fuck, that is what you get for using half hearts )
at least, the prove of the fact that it is possible,
gives the way to try again and try to be better on sides.)
here we are, longing for perfection.
but enough.
i got from brother 1000 yen in the morning, so i am going little shopping.
mysteriously 50 000 yen already disappeared in a short timing t/month.
aaaaaaaaaaaa.