the new relationships are hard to build, whether it is your lover or your buyer.
there is always that slight sense of mistrust, when you are waiting for something
bad to happen, the fight to face or the transaction, going down the hell wrong way.
the new bonds, they are so thick and so easy to be thrown away, shredded pieces.
because i do not know, how to react. i do not know, how my partner is to react.
with all those damages from wars, never ending betrayals and being betrayed.
it just leaves you with that incurable disease, where you can not find yourself able to trust.
when the bad happening always comes first. when it is already over before it is even started.

then you just give up and slip away. but.
then you wake up to a 3 million ring in your shopping cart. he is laughing.
because it is not something of a big deal, it is easy and he knows i will be pleased.

i always thought that with all my scars and burns from all those nights, when i was young
and knife always came before words, the nights, where you stand in the rain before your
own manor, bleeding and it seems that nothing comes right again and you keep falling..
i always thought that these hands, what they have become, they are not for diamonds?
just do not match with all those shine, sparkling and the sense of the absolute stability.

he proved me wrong. maybe.
he taught me how to stay still, again.

that is why i found myself able to keep on trying. to get used to the new borders.
to teach them, what i am and how actually it is to be a part of this wretched golden royalty.
it is not easy, i am always half way to run away, to change, to exchange my own deals. nah.

patience, it takes me soon?
...
cancelled the thing. i mean, night.
i can buy a whole of other bunch of fur with 3 million.

he says he would never pin me down, if i wretched his new car.
it reminds me how i was about to crack into someone Maserati,
but that guy just stopped, turned down the window, smiled and give me a way.

he says, when you actually have a lot of money, it does not matter.
you can buy another, or ten hundred of other cars. it is not a big deal.
it made me so moved, i actually think about it once in while.

maybe.
the say, i do not have a soul. these days.