there is a very definite expression in our adorable language -
罪に陥る - to slide into the sin. i love it greatly, to be honest.

xxx
for what its worth, why do i care about the society looking back at me?
i am at all not of those types, who place their careers in the first range of
their interests, the ultimate ones. in the very end, career is not something
to be so proud of in my criteria of values since that is the unbelievable
proof of ones possible wanting to belong to the society on this higher level.
yay, i will never judge those people who trade their family and home for work.
not that i am defending the ideal idea of family and all that bluffing disaster.

i defend hearts, most likely.
and never believe even the most prominent talant is alone enough worthy
to through away the home, you are never able to build even inside yourself.

i can respect them for their incredible will of pushing on. and on.
but tis just so pitiful sometimes when the word *career* is just
a lame excuse for not being able of pulling yourself together to love.
oh, i am using this awful word, save me w. to be warm and sound.
people, who work too much might be outrageous in their skills.
but they all are so dead inside. so cold. so not ever even felt.

i am the person, who easily shut down the feelings towards humans.
but i do believe into kindness that humans should feel. love.
because that is in their weak sinful nature.

the point is that for me my little built and designed mansion
is hundred times more important than the approval of society.
maybe that is a privilege of those, who already have everything,
not to be bothered. i do not know. but i know, i am not interested.
to leave my precious little castle to go fight for my career. at all.

not that i can not to.
maybe, only now i have that awesome range of opportunities.
when i can choose everything, go everywhere, be the one i want.
the problem is i do not need that

but preferring doing something, my family define as depraved.
well, in general all the night life is kinda depraved a priori, i guess?
no matter what you are actually doing there and how low you go.
but somehow, 安心。

apart of all the people who are going into this life because of no choice,
we are going there cos we do like it. and for me that is hundred or more
time satisfactory that of those, who are stepping into their *careers*.
i knew a lot of people, among my tremendous family as well -
who till the last prefet to keep their honor (wtf is honor, explain me)
avoiding something that can be even lightly described as きたない。

well, that is just the matter of choice.
i see no goal in working like hell on something you so hate all your life.
better be decayed, depraved and sinful to bones doing something fun.)
but again, i already gained everything to allow myself this decay.

...
that is why i am slightly not hesitating before beautiful and respected
(as expected) cheap daily work and my favorite decayed night one.
i even know, that if now i contact Ryu for advice (i so want to ~)
he will be trying to protect my dangerous mind from the night life.
on the contrast that he is one of the most だめなやつ i ever seen.

but as we choose, we go.

@темы: raving all around, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place