среда, 16 декабря 2015
15:31

~fin.

be bad, be mine.
in the very end, your love was that cheap.
even though it cost me so fucking much.
i would have regretted doing nothing, maybe.
but honestly from the depth of my heart. now.

you were good for one night only, tops.

now it is over and i can be happy again.
destroy what destroys you.

one year and three months.
all in hilarious fucking vain.
congratulations.

you are officially free from me. forever again.

@темы: 36 degrees

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понедельник, 14 декабря 2015
09:29

~pray tell, december.

be bad, be mine.
in Italy, which i love dearly, before the New Year they threw away all the old furniture.
just as that, from the windows. to start with something new and without any regrets.
this year, i do too. to get myself rid off not decent connections and stupid mistakes.
just as that, i stood before my family with only one hope to not hear them saying those
damned *we told ya so*. i am old. like very old. tremendously fucking experienced in
that shit, that humans call affection and love. but i do not resemble why i did agree to
put myself through another adventure for love graal and convinced myself that it is worth it.

i am so old. i say it.
love is not just a simple passion, good sex, heart connections, souls entwined, words words.
it is somewhere, where you can trust yourself to hell, being able to rely on no matter what.
and i found myself feeling, that if tomorrow we start another war all of a sudden and flags burn.
i will not be able to feel secure that my so called partner will stand beside me when bridges fall.
that he would not come running to another side, which i hate deeply, that he would not give away
my secrets, tactics, hobbies and ways i like to do things just because i do not know it acknowledged.

and i thought, what did we do for this past year all along.
and i thought, how sharp i inhale the meaning of the word decent.

it can be about money, but it is not. it is all small things, chained to the last decision.
where you can hardly even trust the man, it seems to be logical that you close the house.
i love my family. i would never jeopardize it over someone anymore. though, i am so sad i did.

the closest of close calls has happened tonight.
all i see ahead of me are my lawyers, signs to sign, bar to close and family Christmas.

i have my faults. i make reckless decisions, move on heart i once had, play blind.
that is why i always seal so many papers on divorces and reconciliations. honestly.
but this time i am perfectly sure that there wont be another chance to reconsider.

live and learn, girl.
you can have your hell, but you do the misses.

@темы: house at the end of the world

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среда, 02 декабря 2015
08:57

.

be bad, be mine.
current mood:
just want to spend around 100K on shoes, furs, gingerbread latte.
forget about the eternal circling of grief, frustration and make up sex.
we are going into there every other day recently and it leaves me..
restless? reluctant? reticent?

i wish i could erase you, but probably i will not ever be able to.

hello, it is Christmas in hell coming soon.

@темы: 36 degrees, house at the end of the world

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пятница, 27 ноября 2015
16:49

.

be bad, be mine.
it is my own bar, midnight.
the clock just started a new round for a day.
you are drinking whisky. you are bad at that.
and you know, the whole hell does not matter.
because it is just you and me. and white wine.
i hate white, but we were out of red again, nah.
you are feeding me a raw meet and i am so happy.
because my family can not stand you a mile within.
but they are sitting across and playing the oldest game.
of what and whatsoever.

they are my all as unseparated as my tattoes.
but i love you more. i will always love you more.

@темы: in all its grandeur, 36 degrees, sur le soleil du satan

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вторник, 24 ноября 2015
13:12

.satisfaction line?

be bad, be mine.
i remember, when i were just 17. back then.
and he said to me, that i am lacking loyalty. (royalty?)ww
and i said (mentally) fuck you, i am gonna be
the queen and have more decent lovers than.

i do now.

do you?..

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10:39

.honestly fucked up crossroads.

be bad, be mine.
you can love him from zero to burgers with bacon,
but when the trust starts leaking, that is the edge.
i always say that the one for me is special somebody,
who would shoot those i pick without any asking for.
without hesitation, murmuring, troubles and tears ahead.

they say it is all love,
but it is all stability for what its worth.

because one love just wont last.
no matter how good sex is, hearts connected, souls entwined.
social statuses, money, connections, royal obligations, world.

hearts wont just hold when the rest is crashing down.
and my patience is edgy too these days.

i just want to be home and wrapped in my family hands.
scary, tattooed up to neck and protecting family hands.
not yours. not now. maybe not tomorrow, also.

i sold my soul long time ago, hence.
i keep on caring about what you are doing to me.

sometimes enough is already further, that the point of no return.

i would never hurt you. i would never let myself do it.
but maybe i would find myself able to let you go away.

they say that i am able. they would write it on my grave. (c)

@темы: house at the end of the world

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понедельник, 02 ноября 2015
17:01

~146.

be bad, be mine.
we were on the different sides in a war.
i was captured and you were guarding me.
i took it was out of a compassion, hence..
we were something more, than friends then.
we got mingled, got every day for a new fight.
that scar, you bruised on my hand with knife, i keep it.
we ended it, i could have no more and you left. long.
i got married. twice. got divorced. a couple of times.
got myself something catchy, i could call happiness.
we became friends again, i saw you through the glass.
there were always three of us, when the sky was falling.
my favorite brother, myself and you. three best friends.
we could not keep it. we were younger. i became loose.
got myself that only social status, that prevented all of it.

four years have passed.
i saw you on the crossroad. you were perfect like hell.
beautiful (it takes me sometimes, you have better looks..)
matured, strong. and after all you still kept that door to knock.
you loved me still. and i still remembered those feelings.

you matured well, prince.
like one of those, who were born to be high.
good manners, good looks, good judgements.
always first to protect and first to break others face.w

i could not fight it, you know.
it just felt so freaking right to say yes on that altar.

it takes so much pride on you to share that history, nah.
it takes the same on me, too.

@темы: house of the end of the world

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пятница, 30 октября 2015
16:37

~triggering the tresholds.

be bad, be mine.
almost all that people call love is either lie, dreams or prejudice.
something they called a day, saw in a movie, preferred to believe.
i hardly ever met in the real life them, who could actually inspire me.
with that something, wrecked from the deepest within and further.

i would say i loved many. but that is also a way to manipulate the truth.
all who i loved are now with me, and those who considered it love instead,
now are suffering from a somehow self-made ptsd, which is even sadder.

when i was younger and not so loyal to my own royalty, i did not think.
i did not feel. it was nice to have someone here and now for a night.
without names, feelings, future, suggestions, ambitions and hopes all on.
now i would feel so bad for myself to let someone feel something it is not.
and all the money, hotels, glasses on the floor, clothes on the tables..
that was so morbidly fun and crazy, but my time now is not to waste.
anymore.

maybe i became older.
maybe he made me learn something for myself.
after all the wars, all the damnation, all the hell on us.
even now i still lean on him, when i can not have my way i just hit it.

i know exactly how to switch us both.
sometimes i like it. sometimes i do not.

but i feel desperate for humans, who can not tell images from real.
i say, almost all of them can not be saved.

he once told me, how funny the word unsuitable is.
we never were, i never fit in where i came to pray for life.
but.
how much humans try to find someone suitable,
where not even one of the every part is to ever fit.

how they do it? how they fool it so far?

that was a rhetorical question for Friday.
i am getting back to my mansion now.
...
he says, it does not matter.
whether you could or you could not.
cos it only matters if you did it or not.

and i say, yeah.
i get my devil better, than anyone ever had.

@темы: house at the end of the world

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пятница, 23 октября 2015
15:53

~6.11.

be bad, be mine.
sometimes, love.
when there are twenty of them in the elevator, going down.
you pull down a sleeve of my shirt gently from the side..
just to whisper in my ear that the one in front is an idiot.
i can not take your hand, because you are wearing suit today.
but believe, that is better than any make up sex you could offer.

i like us like that way.
i could not have been Q without you.

@темы: winds and senses

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четверг, 22 октября 2015
16:05

.

be bad, be mine.
sometimes i do not want to get you.
because i can not even say - i do not get you.
you are me, the same whims and breakers on.
i know how you breathe and why you feel what you feel.
i know all your heart attacks and all your amendments.

but there is only one thing that even we can not change.
history. the order, we met someone and then moved on.
he had me first, he slipped, i met you, you slipped, he came.
you know me better, but he knows me deeper and further past.
that old, scary past filled in with blood and scissors.

you were not there. but he was.
he saw me down the hole and down the hell all along.
he was there when i went downtown and stayed there.

you do not have nothing to go with.
no history, no amendments and no proof.
and i surely hate like hell the way you acted.

during all the time, we are together i never flamed.
never blamed anything that i ever felt on you. no.
but this time i do. because it is just so not right.

and i want me protected with what i could feel instead.
i can not hate you, i can not cause you pain, even argue right.
but they can. for me. and night believe me, i let them to do it.

hlg - hold lights gently, while you can.

@темы: house at the end of the world, hold lights gently

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пятница, 16 октября 2015
16:56

~October in between.

be bad, be mine.
congratulations to me, today i opened my bath season with rose petals.
bakery shops are filled with pumpkin and orange cookies and i am with joy.
simply because i so adore coming Samhain as a beginning of a new circle.

it is interesting, how humans get to choose.
for example if you had 2000S to send for yourself in one month.
what would you choose? what would you would not ever consider?
marriage arrangements, car details from the fabric, freelanced sex?

to be me, i love herbs and oils.
as much as i love oriental treatments, country roads and luxury hotels.
with the morning buffets, flavored with avocado muss and orange slices.
to be honest, i am not in a great respect with those every single day, though.
preferred to be satisfied with raw, harsh food, made of blood, steaks and cheese.
avocado is good, nevertheless. i put it everywhere, in food, cosmetics, shampoo.
my heart is simply avocado sliced, maybe.)

i love bidding to death, gambling sometimes, make stakes at random someones.
sometimes i loose, rather win. learn from my experience, never look back. move on.
got back with me ex-tremendous part, remember how we fought with knives at night..
my hell, we never change but sometimes we grow up a little to be a little bit more fucked up.
but if there is someone close to us, who is ready to inhale it all over again and be inside you.
well, let us rise up the cups, then. today the hearts will hold, today the hearts are to win.

baby, i will hunt you down and eat you alive.3

back to the topics.
every month i spend 2000 on clothes, furs and silks with dresses. never regret a thing.
sometimes my family of scary and caring demons get all furred up and ask for a check.
but night, i love dresses. i can not wear gold and if i do my ears bleed out and skin is
piling down as in a hell cleansing commercial. i do not know what i am not able, really.
i love pearls, they could probably run down stairs as i open my gates every morning..
pearls are beautiful. someone used to say that i am that of a pearl, he could not get with.
i am not sure if i were round enough or morbid glittered or freaking hard to take out. nah!

i can adore Forever 21 coat for 6S as much as i adore my Loewe coat for 6000S.
i see through forms, every thing one by one and then make my own world with them.
i love to read people, play with people, manipulate people as much as i do with things.
that is why i am tremendously good at retail. i will always be great at making them sign.

in a three days i would pick up a new wedding dress for the old name.
never regret a thing.

@темы: aiseru, in all its grandeur, house at the end of the world

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среда, 07 октября 2015
14:56

~the darkest hours is rapsody, these days.

be bad, be mine.
i am of those, who deeply regret of their upbringings.
i never mention it, and when they initially ask, just lie.
they say, i am amazingly good at it. lying the roots.

i disguise the place where i was born and raised.
i wish i never were and i wish i could ever change it.
but i can not. no matter what power i now own, nope.

they say, blood is thicker than water. however,
i never considered something that is called material
to define who we are, because the family is blood.

and that we can choose, stabilize and carve into stone.
taking years to finding my carrass, to build the core.
something more, than clan. something deeper than oath.

someone used to say that to fly on you have to burn the wings.
but still, sometimes i see the scariest dreams when i still have them.
and i hate it. it rages me so much, i just want it all to hell disappear.

i hate my beginning point.
but i am confident of who i became. of those, who stand near.
i am aware that my own castle is never to go down through years.
hundred years, thousand years, eternity.

that should be enough.
but i wish i could just erase. erase all that, all those who saddened me.
once and forever. completing my ultimate and beautiful revenge to the end.

but i am still young.
maybe once i could, who knows.

@темы: house at the end of the world, cold jaded eyes

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суббота, 03 октября 2015
16:19

~14.if you're shocked it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing.(c)

be bad, be mine.
she's got broken things
where her heart should be,
and i keep rolling it over in my hand.

you should never underestimate one, who once got to loose. lover.
you honestly should consider more of someone, who once lost me.
because some, who got their second chances after hundred years..
they push like hell, they can not be predicted and they are eager to burn.

i love you more.
but he loved me longer.

just because only incredibly mad and cracked up definite
could sit all these years on that heart and sold all the pride
to come knocking at this door again, when you were away.
he will push me. he will push you. he will push the world.)

and along with Keruak i adore those, who can burn.
who do not accept ultimate truth and who are ready to fight.

i remember him, hitting my face.
i remember myself, reaching for the throat.
but we were young. i just became the top.

everything can be restored.
especially painted with honest misses.

where were you, then. nah.

@темы: 36 degrees, house at the end of the world, four hundred years before

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четверг, 17 сентября 2015
16:27

.

be bad, be mine.
i like it when you make yourself jaundiced to hell.
that i where i want to grab you, pull my hands over your back.
whisper many times that it is always you, i would have chosen.
they could be cool, strong, impulsive, flawed and extremely driven.
they could call 10 times in a line to get me, but they got you instead.
you keep your heart rage into resentfulness. burning me for orange
boxes, ribbons, my eyes to every different person and other nights.

no matter, how many crowns they could have.
you do not mind, but some of them would not also.

and i love you more, the more you escalate.
you can burn all the house to the ground, love.
i would choose you even then.

i am yours to the core, with my every single last drop of blood.
you know it and still burn.

astonishing, nah.

@темы: our morbidly pleasant place, 36 degrees, house at the end of the world, winds and senses

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вторник, 15 сентября 2015
16:42

~between 610 and 131.

be bad, be mine.
you know, love. they can all fuck off.
it is just you and me and this world is ours.
for us, there is no need to ever kneel again.

but i would kneel before you every single day.
that is crazy, how i adore you at times. honestly.)
looking at you, knowing that you are just the same.

and i know how you breathe.
and i know how you are to act.
i know all your orders and all your faults.

i find it delusive to trying consider us as two different entities.

@темы: in all its grandeur, 36 degrees

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среда, 02 сентября 2015
11:08

~when everything else fails, it fails.

be bad, be mine.
the autumn falls down on us, this year.
and i desperately want to revive these moments over and over again.
where we can fight over the smallest things, wrapping the ribbons
all over the unimportant details and false accusations, occasions.
i might doing shots of tequila later with my best friend, but hello.
in the end of the day i am always back to you, where the afterwards
make up sex just simplify everything and eventually blows my mind.)

i have that bad line, love. which i can not get rid of no matter what..
if you scratch me only a little, i tend to call on to those, who are stronger.
i know that is so. weak, lame, distorted and clearly fucked up in the end.
i wish i could live without it one day, but i know that i probably can not.

i hate taking claws on you.
i love you more than hell all together.

that is why i always call those, who would happily would.
but nothing is nothing, and all the ribbons are red again.
marble stairs in this cathedral were built by these hands
five hundred years ago.
...
spent about 30K on things, running around the town.
someone spoiled me with new Kelly order-made bag.
300K, they say. and i am as happy as a child today.

everything should go my way.
all your kings, all your sex and your diamonds.

meanwhile.
Starbucks finally gave out a chestnut latte, i adore.
i adore things, you know. i so adore to adore things.

i am 25.
i have three companies to run, my boys and my money.
all the people i hated, finally ceased to exist and got fired.

what would i desire this beautiful fall more.
i can not even imagine.

@темы: in all its grandeur, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place, 36 degrees, house at the end of the world, winds and senses, pills n potions, 268th

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понедельник, 17 августа 2015
15:59

.

be bad, be mine.
today i can see the same dream one more time. with you.
and it does not matter at all how many wars i got through.
it is so priceless, that i would give away my last breath.
to be there one more time, to hold your hand one more time.
i know that everything comes with the price, C.

but i would again pay every price and above to keep it.
i have got you. i have got you close to me, ever after.

they might not like you.
but they are obliged to like me.
and that should be enough.

i am amazing at make subjects obey.
and sometimes i just mean as hell.

but we have our dream.
and i consider myself satisfied with that only.

@темы: in all its grandeur, 36 degrees, house at the end of the world, winds and senses

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понедельник, 10 августа 2015
16:34

~the longest line, the longest love.

be bad, be mine.
sometimes it is just so nice to
be jaded and tired at work on Monday.
unwillingly dealing with the transactions.
needing to do that one of many calls..

and its you on the line.

good morning, lover.
today i need that deal.

everything can be healed.
全部壊れたって、一緒にいたら何もかも作り直せばいい。

@темы: in all its grandeur, 36 degrees

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вторник, 28 июля 2015
16:19

~stability control 345.

be bad, be mine.
落ちるナイフは掴むなよ。
i am honestly good at making humans beg.
we are good at hunting and meaningless wars.

do not tease us.
you would not count the steps down the hall.

@темы: house at the end of the world, winds and senses

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четверг, 16 июля 2015
16:13

.

be bad, be mine.
i see him every day, working.
he is the best merchant, i ever seen.
maybe, better than me or R. together.

when i see him, i see myself in a mirror.
and i know that to sell the soul you have to shut the heart.

but we are young, we are moved.
we are together for like forever on.
what could be better?

that makes me complete.
and i am never complete from the start.

it is like if you ate the sun and you are round.
yes, we are the sun.

@темы: embracing the heart, 36 degrees, winds and senses

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