i never hesitated in the choice, i had made. because it was right.
but the problem is, no one made me make this choice back then.
that is where i missed out. that person? yes. he did his very best.
to take care about me as he could, to make promises, to be near.
to be going against his own nature. me? was doing nothing, but
making selfish demands and that much of myself to the very end.

i should have been doing better, for sure. and i could not manage it.
funny thing, it gives me uneasiness now, after so much time passed.
i would give a lot to have it back now, i swear.

our lives improve only when we take chances..
and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.

well, i do now.
it doesn`t make my life or things, i have done any easier. honestly.
i should have felt this in april. i guess, there was still a road back.
but there is always time for stupid things and acting hard again..
tremendously excessively radical? well, yeahs.