i know that i got issues, but you are pretty messed up too./

i dont actually recall what i was going to write here.
maybe, that i choose people as if i choose vessels.
where i could put my emotions, hopes and deep expectations.
and as expected, the ordinary ones are wearing out at glance.
only today i was amazingly said もういいです(;つД｀ in the way
where i can clearly see that barely usual loyalty would ever do.
taking do as a main experience, obviously..

but the ones, whom i love (love?) are not the good ones.
way much more messed up than actually i maybe am.
but these are the only people i can actually trust myself completely.
all the times, all the people, all the cases there were the greatest
conversations, confessions, the hearts full of passion and decay.
these people will honestly bear my guilts, sins, my salvation list.
they wont broke. neither they will caress my hair. and that is safety.

but on the other important lever there is no match.
no possible way to live through the obedience and morbid pride.
where the only rule we live by is a rule of being self-righteous.

once someone i loved, told me that we apparently attract our kind. first
and no matter that it will not work anyway, we start from the basics.
we try to be attached to someone like ours and always, always fail.
but that everlasting craving from the lonesome and despair, here. now.

one, twenty one guns. shoot yourself if you can or shoot your partner.

nothing's ever built to last?