as Oliver used to say --
i am wasted and in urgent need of memory upgrade.

i cant believe, i spent a whole year wasted on two self-righteous
egoists, who never actually gave a very damn about my aiming.
i knew exactly, where and when it will possibly end, but and still..
there, taking. making promises, i would definitely never want to keep.
i remember that glance of arrogance and proud prejustice with along
coming words - are you hurt? if you are, you can leave these keys already.
because nothing keeps you here except your willingly taken vote to be.
and i never did untill it was above my patience. but well, we are not
actually the ones, who have patience in the list of their virtues, yes.

we do all have a penchant for tragic ending, though.

but the problem is, it made me so amazingly weak.
my people, who should do according to their duties, make up a riot.
demanding something, they dont have to demand in a possible way.
die, mortals. die.

and all i can do is regrets, when there is no place to be one.

almost everyone is this great world loves my charming beautiful nature.
only today i was given three of the most expensive short cakes in Tokyo.
strawberries, cream, happiness in its wholeness.
but i cant have those only definite people, i choose first. and night.
you crave the most something, you cant take. was it the first demand?

thus i have wednesday. my last chance to produce something nice,
but again, the problem is when you knew the taste of that one apple,
the usual apples wont do. no matter how many of them you can have.
all the apples in the world wont do, i would say.
and no, not just one apple. a lot of apples of the same kind. but wtf.
they just wont go down your throat no matter how you want to eat them.

i would advice you not to try, Belle.
but i would be proud of you, proved me wrong.

Oliver said three years ago.

and i am still taking misses. but it is gonna be a long successful run.