flashbacks.
i do must admit, it is been a very quite while since i was into one night stands.
i dont actually like it, on the contrary i dislike it with my every constant feeling.
but as a matter of fact, there was no other way, than cutting loose as fast as.
i feel myself guilty a little. because there was so not the way i planned it at all.(
if my partner was someone of my circle, there was definitely a stronger taste of
a sin and an easier explanation, and surely the clearly decided way out of it after.
but in this case it was just the mess, i tried to clean up with the most handy way.
or so i was implicably adviced. instead of talking, cutting off. taking the harshes.
and i am sorry, because i liked the guy. were we not founding ourselves in a hotel,
we might have been pretty much nice friends, i should conclude, but well well well..
i have been always saying, it is way more easier to handle me as a friend than lover. yes.
the probability of hooking up w/ a table if there was noone at hand was also optional.
there are just times, i am raving repeatedly (c). and there are just times, i am wasted lol.
and i wish it had been nice at least, but thats the problem of all the random actions..
talked through w/ bro all the sex and came to the point of feeling sorry for myself. lol.
i might have called it beautiful, but the problem is i am not a fan of a nicer way at all.
i definitely lacking being rational. not that i am lacking amazing sex in my life actually.
and people dont say no to me, which is handy also. but there is just that awful situation.
(with usual ordinary nice people) when they start saying something about love and future.
and you are all thinking *anywhere, but lips.* i do use people often. but so never for sex.
and i dont do breaking hearts with hooking up w/ a pal. so lets say, i am out of my frame.
this time.
fleeting sadness. going further.
...
i do think, there is something abnormal and twisted in talking about sex with this person.
at least, that is the feeling i have during the conversations w. how much higher can we go?
or should i put it as how much faster can i fall? aws, fallen enough from the far times behind.
enjoying it, actually. immensely enjoy to sin rapidly, repeteadly and fully.
i hope, my karma will bear with it somehow.)
@темы:
blue lights of lust,
our morbidly pleasant place