i could not have imagined that i will live to see me, turning 26.
owning this crapload of money, married to the person, i adore.
building my own castles, signing verdicts, winning all the wars.
wrapping in thousands of silk dresses, emeralds, furs, hands..
yeah, that is me being self-proud and astonishing. mirroring in.

i could not have imagine, i will stand at nights at that crossroad.
drinking myself to sleep, counting pills, counting knives, again.
hating the damned humanity so freaking much, it made me hell.
i was not that i expected, it was not that i chose on myself. nope.
but it happened, all the crap that happened to me lasted so long.
i was twenty two and all i could think about is to just die at once.)
okay, literally.

random lovers, becoming friends, strange connections, betrayal.
everlasting wine, sunsets, colder than heart sunrises, desperation.
lust, lost, love, hope, wish, will, path, connection.

if he ever taught me something that big is the fact, you are not alone.
even if you are drowned, dead, dropped and distinguished from here.
it is always possible to make a connection, a family, a dream and more.

i love tequila ever since.
i have new tattoes and old scars. my heart is somewhere else, then human.

but i have my squad. they are terrible, scary little monsters.
they are to badmouth me all night long till the new sunrise comes.
but they wrote me so amazing and touching birthday card, it touches me, so.

night, there are so many creatures who will never know how to love someone.
this world, so tragic.

and me, happy.
happy turning twenty six.