it is hard to work, when all you want to do is cuddle.
so you desperately copies your partner`s scarf design.
just a little something in common until the long day is over, so you can merge.
that is amazing, how simple things become difficult, when you`re loaded
with the affections, hopes and anticipations that humans use to call love.
you can not stand near and just pass the papers, ask what time it is or
how it would be best possible to go to the solution of your project. nah.

suddenly you just start laughing our of nothing, though the question is not funny.
but the last night was hell, and all the details just won`t let your head alone. w
it is so confusing, so you just keep staring at him until the moment is all over.

i keep on wondering, how we meet people. how we once meet them and think nothing.
we pass through, longing to the other affections, other delusional targets and interests.
he might be a hell of a lover, but in the long run there are shadows, angles, scars, blood.
there are days, when you want to take that scarf and just hang him up without consideration.

my heart is old. i am not of the good ones. i do bad things.
i have my hell on my shoulders, i have a bunch of guys to raise and control. they are worse.
i had to sit the long nights with my lawyers to get what is mine and admit that not every dream,
that you might be dreaming is righteous, that the king, that crowned you actually suck and
your kingdom is hanging on a thread, where instead of Christmas, there is a civil war on front.

my buyers say, that i built my empire with sex and money. pressing people, pressing charges.
it is not easy to handle your darkness and darkness of all your subjects at the same time.
there are those strange words, like profit, economy, adherence to one`s faith, defaults?..
but there is only one thing that will keep you solidly where you stand, and the thing is fear.
fear is better, than respect even when you achieve to have both. it makes good connections.
it is not sweet. you turn or you get turned around is just as simple as the mechanism works.

but when he asks you if you want to share a piece of your crown with him, it is just.
butterflies, butterflies. they all know that you can not just be in or be out in two weeks.
you take my jaded heart, you have to face all of them. all of my little dear monstrous faces.
there is just that point of no return, when you can not go back.

my hell is not easy. but it is mine, after all.