sometimes, during rainy mornings i dwell.
would have it been different, if i could choose?
for something in my life, that was thrown upon.
making my insides suffocated, wrecked, detached.
making me screaming at nights and not feel anything.
would have it been better, if i succeed to die that day?

could you find a will in yourself to keep someone alive?
nope. for what it is worth, i can not even save myself.)

someone used to say, that i am like a beautiful pearl.
well, i guess i am not that shiny anymore. glittering?
i mean, does the pearls even have to be white and bright?
my best days are more of a like Haiti black pearl cargo.

to make a long story short,
i had better teachers.
i had better lovers.
i had better fights.

Oliver used to say, that i will make it through.

but i will never smell like a human being again.
in a count of eternity it has to be a little devastating.
but what do i miss?

compassion? mercy? anything likewise?
nope.

i am glad i could not have chosen.
...
they had that lagon color for the past year Hermes.
it is so relaxing, honestly. want to buy all the kinds.
turquoise? our blood is just as green as hell, nah.

beautiful.