воскресенье, 12 января 2014
19:52

.

be bad, be mine.
well, she'll tell you she's an only child
until you meet her brothers
swear she's never met the man
she couldn't make into a lover.

yet, i will be always longing for that someone,
who keeps on crawling at the door.

c'est le destin?

@темы: refined cruelty, aiseru

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четверг, 09 января 2014
11:30

.

be bad, be mine.
when we fight to the world`s end,
the only staying argument always is
you can not blame me for misses and hits, cos
you know, i never cared about anyone before!.

and then you just think,
right. me too.

so there is no harm in keep rolling the story.
broken souls are so ..hard to bend.

@темы: transparent poison

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11:26

.

be bad, be mine.
watching Love and Drugs almost made me sensitive.
one thing is that i really like Anna Hathaway. maybe because
she is so good for that sick (not in a bad meaning) marble girl
with thin wrists, big eyes and that sharp stormy emotions within.
maybe because i was that girl for a very very long time myself.
i got so used (a little bit less now?) to the big hospitals, bondages,
(no, we are not talking about bdsm.), pills, mixtures, bed manner..
that sometimes i am on purpose implying my needy heart beating.
the second thing is there is a lot of much like us. so astonishing
in our rejection of simple feelings, where it is easier chop on your
own words than actually admit that such thing as loving do exist.

well, not that i am saying much love nowadays too. mostly, lying.
but the conclusion is likely the fact, that there are no predicted endings.
we are being with someone not because it suits us best, usually - opposite.
but somehow there are scenes, where you can actually find more than you
were searching. and guilty as charged, you can fall for someone, you only
supposed to stand one night with. and it is just that morbid and excessive.

that you would never say that only person, you love him. love? argh.
...
pressed me to re-watch Choderlos de Laclos.)
abnormally adore him.

made me also think i only like Hathaway, Charlize and Kira Knightley.
not for the Pirates, eventually. but her Atonement and Duchess were great.
but these weekend i will taste more Kim-Ki Duk, Noel and Eternal Sunshine.
m, what else?

Steinbeck is flying to me!

@темы: in all its grandeur, dreams, we're dreaming

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06:32

~behind the tresholds.

be bad, be mine.
i mean, yes.
but it is impossibly heartbreaking
when you wake up to realize that
someone wrapped you up in a blanket.

and it is just that warm, that warm..

@темы: embracing the heart, in all its grandeur

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вторник, 07 января 2014
13:39

~明けましておめでとう。

be bad, be mine.
here it comes, my beloved and longed so much 2014.)
i do not know, there was honestly less drinking this time.
less emotions, but somehow i am glad for this calmness.
i had a dozen ways to spend the holidays, have chosen
the proven, not the best one far from my friends and lovers..
wrapped in a lot of snowflakes, coffee, nature and north.

i would be excited to drink to a lot of things, though.
drink to the old lovers, you came to be reconnected with.
could not express how much excitement it ever brings you.
drink to the new lovers, i know how non-sentimentally mm..
fast and easy to remove it would be and still, cheers to you.

the long adapted history proves the fact that i would rather
choose the worst something i am already used to than
possibly better something, i am not even desiring to hold.

i wish myself a lot of money and joy this year.
i had so much romance and drinking last one, that i will
leave it just where it is, hoping that what is done is best.

i wish myself Okinawa, Hawaii and France this year too.
...
my tongue is slipping that i wish myself a divorce asap. but~
scales, profits, disadvantage.. in the very end why should i lie.
convenience is a lot to search for. hence, here we go again.)

Happy New Year.

@темы: dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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пятница, 27 декабря 2013
10:13

.while packing..

be bad, be mine.
i mean, okay. let us truth be said.
i did spend around 700K on aesthetic salon this year. m..
but still i can not get people, who throw 600K just on depilaton.))
600K for hair removal, you could have bought a small car on it.

though, yeah. guilty on a charge.
yet, i adore my place, it is so amazing.

@темы: our morbidly pleasant place, joyful days

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четверг, 26 декабря 2013
11:25

~七色everyday.

be bad, be mine.
the year is closing, i have no enough time for closing deals.)
the great news is that i finally managed to buy that awesome
aesthetic machine, which will certainly make my body better
and it only cost me something around 30.0000. life is awesome.

yesterday foie gras was delicious, just right amount of alchohol.
just right coldness in hands to be eventually warm up as it was.
a drop of irony into tenderness, a drop of whisky into soft drinks.
our Christmas it was.

tomorrow i am heading north and stop existing for two weeks.
every one needs a vacation once in a while.

and, just saying.
hell a lot had chance to have happened during this year.
but it was a breathtaking, edgy, entwined, refined 平成25。

let the coming year be nice to you all.
and since it is my year to come, right.
have my blessings :)

i will keep you posted. :D

@темы: embracing the heart, in all its grandeur, crowned with snow, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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08:52

~closing the year as it is.

be bad, be mine.
If somebody sent you
An angel to save you
What would you tell him to turn him away

That your heart don't break
That your lips don't kiss
That life is just a lie
That heaven don't exist?

Who's going to save you
When the stars fall from your sky
And who's going to pull you in
When the tide gets too high
Who's going to hold you
When you turn out the lights
I won't lie I wish that I
Could be your superman tonight.

@темы: transparent poison, refined cruelty, aiseru, embracing the heart, house at the end of the world

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среда, 25 декабря 2013
08:39

～from Eve to Eve.)

be bad, be mine.
24th was magically warm, dear and simple..
a lot of chicken, white cream and strawberries.
all presents without ribbons, forgiveness, time.

25 is less important and yet it is Merry Christmas.
my Santa is the worst tragedy, that just never ends.
and yet, i have to keep what is mine. right. always.

揺るぎないもの一つー。

@темы: refined cruelty, aiseru, embracing the heart, in all its grandeur, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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вторник, 24 декабря 2013
08:29

～得する人、ソンする人。

be bad, be mine.
in the world of finance there is no right or wrong, only profit or loss.

maybe, during these holidays before X-mas, i verified just two things. three..?
one, when you have multiple options, whether it`s lovers or work, there will be
always team A and team B (C, D, E..), supporting one`s failure and other`s gain in the end.
thus, probably for me there is no such thing as lost gain, just circling with profiting.
for others there is likely always war at hand. w two, there is no such thing as overdoing
in sex, drinking and complaining. i am intensively sure that all my actions are justified.
three, it is always nice to come back home after a riot when you are called for compensation.
i always used to think, that the better way to down the riot is to offer money, not beheading.
anyway, it is not even possible to somehow harm me, though. ww four, as on the sidelines.
had the most awkward experience of sleeping with two male creatures in one room all night.
without actually something happening, yet. it was harsh as hell, every breath on breaks, the
utmost power of self-compulsion.. so i am not sure if i want to have this experience ever again. lol.

that was a nice weekend.
and i am glad to be home again!

today is my day,
so i am going to take my date, cake and KFC.)

以上。

@музыка: Breaking Benjamin *Without You*

@темы: refined cruelty, aiseru, black swans, in all its grandeur, joyful days

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четверг, 19 декабря 2013
08:21

~Young Adult.

be bad, be mine.
since i have being told that Mavis is so greatly portrayed from me,
i found it a hearty obligation to put on a couple of words on character.
i mean, yes. i have been leading quite the same way of living on some
points of my life. where it is difficult to divide the day from the day in
all that routine, in all that continuation with big TV, quick stands, m.
sleeping without taking off your dress, even if it is Marc Jacobs?..

but more i probably wanted to cross the fact, that i knew that feeling too.
where your heart drops down (why in this case it was that damn morbid?),
the nerves before the first date, the way to do your hair, the way to resolve.
the problem is, very often human beings just too sure in something, that is
not important at all. that is why Mavis kept on chasing the scent of fake love,
so-called destined affection. that is why me used to live on pills and angst.

there is nothing wrong in loving someone. but after all these years i got to
know, that there is no right to think that you have no options, left from that.
no need to go all suicidal, drunk, high when things took the wrong way out.
in the very end who is critically damaged? Mavis? or that guy, swallowed by
the dull, grey, lonesome corner with something, that was possessed as happiness.

if you ask me now, i would say that i have been there for a long-long time.
but the time has passed and i reached the truth, where there is no crossroad.
there are multiple ways, multiple choices, multiple lovers (i am not trying to ironize)
the only difference between me and Mavis is that i got the guy in the end as well.
to understand probably, that i love the ones, who are completely damaged within.
even more wretched than me. and every person, i am with now is acknowledged of it.

but again, there is nothing wrong in loving someone. my love is always distorted.
there is just a line, which you cross and lose yourself. and no one is truly worth it.
love me as i am, let me be who i am. and maybe from there you will point a destiny.

@темы: transparent poison, refined cruelty, illusional dimension, morbid fairytales

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вторник, 17 декабря 2013
11:44

~in the diary of Jane.

be bad, be mine.
that time long-long ago,
i was nineteen and i did not want to be a queen.
i was broken, distorted, on loose and with no aim.
yet, time has passed.
people abandoned me, double-crossed me, i betrayed too.

if i wanted to pretty much sum up this whole year,
i could say a lot of much of what you already know.

but.
i hated you more, than anything,
but.
i found and forgave you, i hold you.

for one night i would have sold all the souls in the world.
and i had it. i had even more, that i actually asked for..

this has been a good year.
i might be the worst selfish one, moody and heartless.
but i am me. and i love you. for what its worth.
...
mm.. i have earned a lot of money too!
can be added up as a yearly bonus?..)

i also got myself Christmas tree, lotsa chocolate and nice presents.
lingerie, cosmetics, new shoes (two), clothes, some interior stuff..
then my credit card passed out again :D

and i made a promise to never dwell on my heart again.
if i can not have something, i would just have to go round, m?
i will always have options. and it feels ultimately secure again.

and yes, i rule the world.

@темы: in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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10:30

.

be bad, be mine.
from the recent watched movies -
This means war is so dearly funny
Young Adult is so morbidly understood.

and i love Charlize. she is good. like, really good.

@темы: in all its grandeur

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10:27

.

be bad, be mine.
so, someone is getting sex and someone -- tenderness.
both do not imply love in its utter meaning and surely not,
devotion in any of its forms. somehow to divide is important.
although, all of the three are not from the good ones..
clearly every of us has its own skills to fulfill the needs.

distorted launched absorbation?
let it be.

i am choking on the words *love* every single time.

@темы: transparent poison, refined cruelty, house at the end of the word

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понедельник, 16 декабря 2013
11:50

~1/6.

be bad, be mine.
true love prevails, universe be damned.

@темы: aiseru, raving all around

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08:19

.

be bad, be mine.
言いたかったのは、一つ。
恋人だろうが何だろうがー
よく続いてるな！

笑。

なんどか不思議な感覚。

@темы: orange maddening sun

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08:12

.

be bad, be mine.
there is so much difference
to be loving someone and be in love with someone.

at least, i do know one person, i will be always in love with.
it just does not fade, no matter how much time would pass.
that is why, binding myself with unneeded obligations i will
prefer to be eternal lovers as such. hence, the choice is made.

coherence. that is it.

@темы: refined cruelty, aiseru, in all its grandeur, before sunrise

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07:57

.

be bad, be mine.
i am not always passing the thresholds with flying colors,
but i want to admit that sometimes it is better to assume,
that the glass, you are holding in your hand is halfway full.
there a lot of ways, how you can define happiness, and yet.
there are times, when it is quite fragmental and hence, dear.

again, there are definite things, that i am trying to achieve
in my relationships and no matter, how breathtaking the sex is.
the feeling of security and a possible way to talk through advice
is not less important, no matter how i want to unseen it as well.

plus, i do know how legendary the attachment could be. still.
there is no reasonable ground to go all the weapons as once at least.
my happiness is to know, that i have more than one way to choose.
for now. this moment. i have someone, i can go to and counsel it again.
you do not know, what you can find in the most strange places.

there is always a difference between going rogue away from home,
randomly. and go knocking on a definite colored door for someone.

but hey,
there is always that awkward moment when you go chasing the legend,
play house, pass on your heart and it ends messy, ugly and so broken.
there is a reason also, why i keep on standing on the ground, where i think.
that we are impossibly great as lovers. but would never be better at something else.

would be never better settled, calmed and silenced,
probably just because it is just who we are deep within.
you. me.

and i am not holding it down.
i am just happy for what we are. for now.
even if sometimes i feel like craving a stability.

i won`t. i learned.

@темы: transparent poison, refined cruelty, aiseru

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воскресенье, 15 декабря 2013
10:18

.

be bad, be mine.
there is no need to put reasoning behind something,
that comes that natural. there is no reason as well
to put heart into that too.

m.

there is a thin sliding behind understanding and a mess.

@музыка: anberlin `the art of war`

@темы: transparent poison, refined cruelty, aiseru

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суббота, 14 декабря 2013
06:46

.じょうずなのにー。

be bad, be mine.
i can write a lot, trying to counsel all the problems out of myself.
but if i would want to put it into just a couple of words, i would say.
i appreciate.

less than half a day is worth more than half a year.)

@темы: refined cruelty, in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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