понедельник, 01 августа 2016
16:36

*they say.

be bad, be mine.
you will never walk alone.

@темы: black swans, in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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16:32

.

be bad, be mine.
you got me.
and i got it all.

you do always amuse me, love. after all these years.
there are still parts of you that make me shimmering.
like, literally make my fingers tremble when near you.
it is when i am about to eat my over-calorie food, you come in.
- (calmly) babe, are you having your breakfast like now?
(yet you promised it is okay to choose the most pricey place
in Hawaii if i lose another 13kg, man! you are making me diet)
hamburger something just stuck in my throat, but i am so happy.
because i like to watch you work. i adore your moves, speaking.
it was always you i wanted to become, even being like nineteen.
in that fairytale i always hated that king, who always do nothing
but rules. who need you to rule, anyway? that stupid character,
who always knew best. who always hit misses more than hopes.
i mean, okay. i was married to one for a couple of hundred years.
but i love the king, who can paint his own palace, just do all the job.
who knows markets, subjects, who knows how to hold on to your insides.
it is just so sex, so adorable, so strong and tremendously breathtaking shit.)

i am rich like hell, i am loved like a queen, i am free to do whatever i want.
my buyer got me that blue dior bag, i craved so much.
i can die now, already? w

i want a Cockatoo.
i want an overkill calorie food. like, whole cake now.
i want to dance. i want that kiss mark loubuotin bag.
i want to Macau, (he says Hawaii) and i adjust.

pretty much paradise to me, i suppose.

@темы: aiseru, in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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пятница, 15 июля 2016
14:57

~once you go black there is no going back.

be bad, be mine.
night, i fucking looooove Hong Kong.
all the neon lights and harbor, all the red lights and high floors.
i am so much addicted to my buyers. i keep saying it always.
they are just so cool with their star printed cardigans (agh!),
black cross bones tattooed heart all upper the left hands..
they are just so sweet with all their good morning, honey.
can we help you to pay for that Chanel bag you ordered before?
their a little bit sloppy broken english, not at all perfect but sharp.
but above all of that. they just know exactly what i want there.
they know all my habits, likes, my golden credit payments lay offs..
they are okay with that and thrive to go through the roof for it.

i adore every one of them.
good with market, good with money, good with making me satisfied.

my chinese is nowhere near understanding.
but in my head there is just a solid unbroken shining cool image
of my chinese people in HK. like i do not know, what. so brilliantly strong.

like,
they make the best assassins.
they never ever make mistakes.
they never overreact or plus feel.

perfection.
i want to grow up and be like some of them one day. please.
...
if i will be out of Tokyo one day, that would definitely be HK.
could think of nothing else.

@темы: in all its grandeur

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четверг, 14 июля 2016
16:06

.

be bad, be mine.
when i was younger, it always bugged me
how you can love someone and than - not.
where do you go from there? where your heart goes?
where all those attachments, connections, energy go?

Oliver used to tell me that love itself is exaggerated.
there is no love. what is love? heart pounding, vows?
words? you can not exactly define what you love, girl.

but i understand him now. i died, thus he resuscitated.
and it was so freaking painful as if the world burnt down.
okay.

i might have loved someone.
i might have wanted to see something that was never there.
i might have had hopes, i might have reaching for the best.

but now i do not do damn forgiving.
because there are no two thousand chances to cash out.
because you fuck up every damn time you come out alive.

i mean, night.
i met my husband in a bar, when i was nineteen. it was bad.
we used to gang through all the downtown streets back then.
we used to live together, we used to be parted, we used to break.
i spent millions on salons, but those scars from lost battles won`t go away.
that one all across my hand. but i can forgive it, the hell i do.

even at our worst, we were always connected.
the same circles, the same places, the same nights.
later, at our own bar which i successfully sold away this spring.

i mean, what this was?
even if there was something, there is nothing to salvage anymore.
they wrote legends about this story, but honestly guys. thus none.
i would not spend another day trying to reflex the crap out of it at all.
how much it damaged me, how much it made me stronger. ruthless.

i do not feel nothing at all.
but i am devoted as hell.
sounds good enough for me, nah?

@темы: in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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среда, 13 июля 2016
16:06

be bad, be mine.
underestimated how wonderful the feeling is, to get naked before your spouse.
i mean, i had many? this, feeling of connection, captivity, relief and satisfaction.
it is so breath taking, not all the sex, drinks, money and connections we share.
but that little thing, when he knows where your period starts better than you.)
or, when he simply asks 'do we hate him?' and you just nod silently for answer.

i remember those days, away from the world where he suggested to leave home.
i mean, i hated it then. 'he is so fucked up. what stops you from leaving?'
'i mean, i am too.'

we all here are far broken heart`ed, wretched, spiraling down the same hell.
but he was the one, who pushed me to always be the stronger, always stand.
and i withstand. all the crap load of shit, that was lasting more than two years.

and i am just so, still.
i will do all the hard work, planning and scheming. i will do my best.
you, just do me. love.

twenty years,
twenty years to know who will wear the hat.

those eyes, you gave the bastard i hate with all my limitless power.
i swear, i would literally kill for them to be seen just one more time.
priceless. like the golden age.

@темы: aiseru, in all its grandeur

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понедельник, 27 июня 2016
15:39

.

be bad, be mine.
you really think, you can offer me a cigarette from your pack,
tell me that bygones be bygones and all is clear and no worries?
i tell you what.

go fuck yourself, Phyllis.

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пятница, 24 июня 2016
17:07

~you are the Sun.

be bad, be mine.
i could not have imagined that i will live to see me, turning 26.
owning this crapload of money, married to the person, i adore.
building my own castles, signing verdicts, winning all the wars.
wrapping in thousands of silk dresses, emeralds, furs, hands..
yeah, that is me being self-proud and astonishing. mirroring in.

i could not have imagine, i will stand at nights at that crossroad.
drinking myself to sleep, counting pills, counting knives, again.
hating the damned humanity so freaking much, it made me hell.
i was not that i expected, it was not that i chose on myself. nope.
but it happened, all the crap that happened to me lasted so long.
i was twenty two and all i could think about is to just die at once.)
okay, literally.

random lovers, becoming friends, strange connections, betrayal.
everlasting wine, sunsets, colder than heart sunrises, desperation.
lust, lost, love, hope, wish, will, path, connection.

if he ever taught me something that big is the fact, you are not alone.
even if you are drowned, dead, dropped and distinguished from here.
it is always possible to make a connection, a family, a dream and more.

i love tequila ever since.
i have new tattoes and old scars. my heart is somewhere else, then human.

but i have my squad. they are terrible, scary little monsters.
they are to badmouth me all night long till the new sunrise comes.
but they wrote me so amazing and touching birthday card, it touches me, so.

night, there are so many creatures who will never know how to love someone.
this world, so tragic.

and me, happy.
happy turning twenty six.

@темы: refined cruelty, aiseru, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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понедельник, 20 июня 2016
18:11

～.

be bad, be mine.
he cometido el peor pecado que uno puede cometer.
no he sido feliz.

but i am happy now.
and it is amazingly thrilling to write someone in Oviedo
to ask for some more mohair spanish stoles, i so adore.
two hundres euros for one, night.

i love Spain at her most.
even though my Spanish is a litlle bit sloppy now.
i could never forget those mexican made nights.

passionate they were.
i keep on holding to my sins since then.
He cometido el peor pecado que uno puede cometer.
No he sido feliz. - See more at: www.spanish-learning-corner.com/jorge-luis-borg...
He cometido el peor pecado que uno puede cometer.
No he sido feliz. - See more at: www.spanish-learning-corner.com/jorge-luis-borg...


@темы: dreams, we're dreaming

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пятница, 10 июня 2016
12:49

.

be bad, be mine.
there is another parallel to think it through.
if you slept dated thousands people,
keep on loving excessively only that one instead,
does it actually make you a loving only one man all your life?

やっぱちょっと微妙な感じ？（笑）
...
they say, i can wrap myself whoever i want, but decades pass.
i want only you by my side. am i not that wonderfully stable? w

@темы: refined cruelty

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12:38

～graveyards of the Atlantic.

be bad, be mine.
i have been always wondering, how you can do it.
(how i could do it, personally).
i mean, you live with someone, evolve with someone gradually,
exchange vows with someone, building castles, making wars..
sometimes you do it several times. four times, actually. night?

while all the time you wanted to be with that person.
being friends, lovers, best friends, lovers again, working together,
shooting stuff, sharing pills, drinking from the same bottle et cetera.
it is not if he was not there all the time, because he was.

why it is taking six years to realize that all other things are faded?
distorted, so much fucked up and probably had no meaning at all.
experience got us to the point, where no matter how they tossed the dise.
it has to be. we have to be.

he taught me everything, how to be the one, who i am.
how to adjust, break, bring down and taste all the revenge.
how inevitable is the fact when you are mess with one girl,
you mess with the whole cartel. when it is so frustraitng to live.
and where one left hand covered with tattooes is more beautiful
than the whole world left silent.

how to laugh and to live again.

but it's you I take 'cause your the truth not I.
i will not ever need another king, love.

i remember when we first met. i was twenty.
your leather jacket, old tattoo and mouth full of lies.
twenty years to know, who will wear the hat.

because i am happy like probably i have never been.
i am twenty six. and i have all the souls hell benched.
nothing could bring us down. way longer, then forever.

indeed it is.


@темы: in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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пятница, 15 апреля 2016
14:26

~sakura is all over now.

be bad, be mine.
i have been thinking a lot these days. suddenly?
that you do not have be a CEO in the company, you dislike everything about.
that when you are still 25 and can build the future (build the future? okay..) with that
partner, you always wanted to, you give no damn to any fool who would trouble it.

that there are no rules.
that money could solve almost everything.
that problem of forgiving people is not an option anymore.

that it is no need to tolerate, adjust, keep your breath.
if you do not like it, go. take everyone you want to with you.
that it is a choice of yours to hate the ones, you want to hate.
to love the ones, you want to love and keep near.

that it is your world. no one else`s.
that you could be one day exactly like the man you love.

my brother, my lover.
we could put our hell to a new use. these days.
...
and i am writing postcards again.
i just do not know what to do anymore.)




@темы: down to amalgamation, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place, 216 crafted sins

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среда, 16 марта 2016
16:53

～6/11 for imagine dragons?

be bad, be mine.
there was time, when i was so broken hearted.(c)
there was time when i was your lover, not a partner.
half the hell hated me, i knew nothing about rulling.
had nothing, no money, only wasted pride and fresh scars.

you gave me keys, you gave me diamonds, you gave me crown.
they say now, that i am scarier than you are. so freaking messed.
now i think that in the very end i never anticipated high passion from you.
even though we shared so much drama and wars, enough for centuries.

i am used to the fact that you can not be near me 24/7.
i am used to the fact that when i am in trouble, you wont save me.
i am okay as it is when i am needy for an advice, you phone is off.

somewhere deep inside i always wanted a freedom.
to be not someone, who is sitting behind you and sigh your papers.
someone, distinguished enough on my own, with my own damn rules.
we might not share opinions, i might want to be like my brother, not you.
i stopped asking you for diamonds, advices and support so long ago.

i am just used with the fact that you are the other half of me. forever.
it is not that bad, aint it love?

the way i feel towards you will always be outside the measure of emotions.
unchangeable. something, that can not be put into simple transgressions.
i run you with your sins a lot lately. i will probably do for another hundred years.
then it will become history.

your love towards me was not always clean. so did mine.
but we have eternity to talk about this over and over again.
honestly.

URL
16:32

.

be bad, be mine.
there is no need to search, when you already found.

@темы: refined cruelty, aiseru, in all its grandeur, house at the end of the world

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13:38

~i`m coming home to you every night, every night.

be bad, be mine.
when i was twenty, there was one dress that i liked.
not that fancy, urban brand, probably not over a haundred euros.
but for me, working night shifts until your body blows up it was m..
the closest thing to a dream, that motivated me to keep forward.
thinking how one day i become older, stronger, quit the nights,
quit the cigarettes, whiskey and stealing hearts from people around.
buy myself that one dress or maybe, a hundred one of those dresses.

reminded myself of a Cosette.
probably you were the man, who bought her that beautiful doll.
for a price, of course. like a long running soul loan in advance.)

now, i am stressing my buyer all over again.
can not decide either i want indigo Max Mara or crimson one. or both.
definitely need to stop both, because there is no place to hang them.
walking central avenue like a lady, covering all the shadows in a bottle.
covering all the lost souls in a wardrobe closet with closed doors.

and you bought me that fox coat like promised for White day.
i can not stop covering with it my body leaving just my tiptoes out.
feels like crazy. queenish and girly non stop until you come home.

but i can not get rid of my old habits, even now.
like running out at one a.m. to buy a can of cheap sour and pay the burning bill.
the fear of sleeping alone, always carrying on myself a blade and shot of tequila. w
can not trust people. can not compromise. can not distinguish. can not forgive.
bought myself a hundred dresses of that favorite brand, never feels enough..
hardly ever feel satisfied. always see the opponent as the enemy, untill proved otherwise.
except my customers. except my buyers. except my family. except the staff around?

they say there is no royalty, who ain`t know riot.

i would never forget, where we came from. brother.

@темы: in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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вторник, 08 марта 2016
15:34

~la reina del sur, shea butter and old scars.

be bad, be mine.
i remember that night, that bar, that street..
you haven`t changed in these six years at all.
we were lovers, friends, siblings, members of one cartel.
more than that. more than worlds and words can express.

so much had happened, so much had not.
but probably i am the happiest, because now it is your turn.
for those, who waited for the ones, making all the mistakes.

we are going to be the hell best.
with a little of tequila, fear, beauty and strength.

i still love herbs, shea butter, wine colour and fluffy things.
but black masks and tattoes to cover the scars on the wrist.
they just ain`t go away. but everything, everyone other, does.

changing the rings like spades.
i always had my eyes for you only.
because.
everyone needs a best friend.

to spoil all the secrets,
to plot all the schemes,
to ask for when money run dry.)

they say, the best friend is the one who would hate someone just because you do.
and i know that you would take my war if i wanted to. without any second thought.
you are the only one person in this damned world, i can ever trust with my life.

i will always do.
i will always love you. like forever.

like those tattoes, curved so deep you can`t take them down.
i remember that scar, you bladed me. i keep it since then.
means more, than every diamond ring you will give me.

honestly.

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вторник, 12 января 2016
16:06

~felicidad.

be bad, be mine.
for this one fairytale to end happily, bunch of other ones had to end bad.
but they say, only royal fates are ones to consider and others, not so..

que se mueran.

prince stole that princess.
princess did become queen.
kingdoms burned to hell.

they lived happily ever after.

short version.

@темы: house at the end of the world, 26th marble stairs

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понедельник, 28 декабря 2015
16:32

~2016 we are gonna burn and dance all nights.

be bad, be mine.
tomorrow i am off to another manor, so maybe i want to underline. now.
i so much believed that 2015 was gonna be my year so it broke me hell.
we all slip, i tend to go full speed on my emotions and exceed everything.
that is cause i wronged my ex-partner so much, painted all in crimson red.
not that i was always good at choices, more than half of my associates are
coming on a wrecking ball faster, than i am. but it is one thing to be crazy,
driven, bad, eager. and somehow another to break down everything you see.
nonetheless, i loved that guilty conscience to go across all my family to know.

and the last words that he told me were
you are not gonna meet me again, babe?
and i thought how much i wanted him burn to the bones.

it is sour like lemon to see behind.
that is why i want to look in front of me the next year.

for those, who i trust, adore, respect and share with.
i am afraid to admit that even for those, whom sometimes it was only moments.
they knew me better, where he never did or wanted to for the matter. honestly.

they say, we are better than he was.
we protect you. we support you. we are always near.
yes hell, they are.

happy new year.
we are happy together.
all my squad. i love you so much.

@темы: house at the end of the world

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четверг, 24 декабря 2015
09:20

.

be bad, be mine.
お前は中々いい感じ。

と新年でも言わせて見せたいと思っている。
大好きやで。

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09:06

~一途に仲間。

be bad, be mine.
my personal happiness of pre X-mas is when
six amazing dreamers are wearing their sleeves
just a little bit off so you can see those beauty
tattoes going up to the shoulders and further.
when they raise up tequila shots in my bar to say that.

there is coming another year, but nothing do us part.

俺らには叶わない。
now or even.

and nothing matters, except them.

@темы: dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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понедельник, 21 декабря 2015
06:54

~but my heart is returned to sister winter.

be bad, be mine.
but my heart is as cold as ice.

as my father says, we all tend to make mistakes. sometimes.
being prejudiced of simple things, what we want and what we love.
what is important and whats not. bur hardly ever it can prevent us
from moving forward, searching for the new ways and options ahead.

when we fell apart back then, i honestly feel bad about that now.
how strongly i tried to convince you that one person is for life.
that i love, love, love, aiming to throw all the kingdom on knees.

but you loved me nonetheless.
loved me like no one did.

some years earlier, when i faced that personal bloodbath.
you were the one, who took the knives away and hugged me.
i hated everyone so much for the first war, but even than always.

you loved me nonetheless.

i was young, and you taught me a lot.
i always wanted to be like you. scary. crazy. good at managing.
still kept on going through the crusades of falling for the wretched.

when the number of you failed relationship becomes greater
that your nearly income, probably it is where you want to stop.
it feels as if you were doing drugs with someone for the long time.
and it seemed so hilarious if not the sober up afterwards. oh, hell.

i am going to be 26.
i would never want to leave early in the morning ever again.

they say, blood is thicker than water. but it is not.
in the very end all that we have is blood only to trust.
it will not turn on you, no matter what.

you asked me, what is forever,
and i say, now i see that it was always you, i wanted to share that crown with.

likely, it is not too late to make right choices now.
i so desperately want to grow up like you in years.

@темы: house at the end of the world

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