その手を離さないで、折れるほど強く・

Все будет так, как мы захотим. Только.

De réir a chéile a thógtar na caisleáin.

私たちの心で海が聞こえる。聞けますか。


hiwai na me de kisu shite, kou yatte.
kuruoishii kairaku wo ataete
kamawanai ai ni furesasete kure.
..
甘えたいの?　出したいだけ? ^_~
(can't understand kanji? don't worry, it has to do nothing with you. w. )

your eyes forever glued to mine.

registration.
URL
 
среда, 16 марта 2022
16:02

/essential.

be bad, be mine.
not yet, love.

@темы: our morbidly pleasant place

URL
вторник, 11 июня 2019
10:41

~Otra Vez.

be bad, be mine.
when i was 17, my heart was screaming.
why? why am i not enough for you?..
why won`t you take me just as i am?
broken, reflected, distorted, but still devoted?
why?.. why the hell won`t you do love me?

now, drinking my birthday Allegrini sparkling, slowly.
not to spill on my newly delivered custom Dior gown.
(they took it directly from 80s and it`s just beautiful)

i know.
i know, that love is exxagerated.

and i have no time for someone, who wants to somehow change me.
i would always prefer the one, who already did have my blood on his hands.
or the one, who would agree to sleep with me without additional strings.

it is not healthy to daydream anymore.
i have kids, i have checks, i have my empire.
i am not that girl anymore. i am 29.

Theresa, you would understand.
Mirame.




@темы: our morbidly pleasant place

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среда, 20 марта 2019
12:14

~omerta.

be bad, be mine.
only in movies you probably could`ve been saved.
only in movies you always have the last spare bullet.
the harsh reality is made of osteopathic visits, IVs and in-skin ions.
dreaming about waking up in Four Seasons Hotel in Casablanca.
or drinking cuba libre somewhere in Port of Spain. aw, Caribes..

the good news sound like,i might be the hell of a lot of things.
but at least, i did not cheat myself into college. (long time ago)
for me it`s insanely unreasonable, how you can cheat your skills.
per se, i can not shoot a shit (did not make that laser thing on eyes),
but perfect in tactics. if i go on the front row to shoot, likely all of us die. w

it is really important to define, where you could actually belong.
this no fun to climb yourlsef to be only someone`s third wheel.
i might have a lot of money now, but how matearistic abyss keeps
denying your integrity. nah, man. that is not something, called worthy.
...
it took me one life to become able to submerge myself into something,
apart of my own. he used to say, that one day the curtain would fall.
and that sublime, hideous, malice, morbid, carved soledad of mine will be off.
that princess had a lot of pride, but this queen has a lot of scars now.

it`s ten years now, O.
i would never forget.


@темы: transparent poison, down to amalgamation, our morbidly pleasant place

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понедельник, 11 марта 2019
12:56

~tu sabes.

be bad, be mine.
would you ever care to dismantle that, you love?

your perfect views from the 36th floor of central tower building?
your rouge sweets courses, of the best strawberry in the world?
your private jewerly shop, where they can do almost no limits?
your Hermes?..

i am higlhy ironic, that self-made is actually a thing.
you can be smart, but bad upbringing keeps dragging you down.
vise versa, you can born rich, but still caught up in amphetamins.
you can have connections, but not a damn skill how to sell a shit.

i have seen many crossroads and many falls.
a lot of bloodshed, tears, despair, betrayal and abyss.
i deliberately do not white lasering my scars to remember.

i sometimes wonder, how it is to be born with a nice background.
in a family, that actually acknowledges you as a decent part of it.
it is not equal though, that all the chidlren, abused, become future hitmans.
it is not equal though, that if your father is a drug dealer, you would end the same.
nothing is destined and perfect match (at least it is not your cruise chanel) is a myth.

i did manage to sell myself at the highest price.
but the other inherited half? ah.
all the scars are truly owned.

nothing flawless,
when i look at a new Birkin bag i sometimes recall.
was it all me, who managed to climb a little higher?
was it him, who managed all my debts at the time?

then i stop thinking and continue eat my Jim Beam chocolate.
whiskey, hardcour nights and cheese fries i am not giving up.
nope.

no llores, babe.


@темы: dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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понедельник, 21 января 2019
13:22

~quisiera llorar, 2019.

be bad, be mine.
for someone, who spent some years behind the bars or have
an experience in a captivity in either way, world seems differ.
on X-mas day i waked up and was eating a strawberry cake barefoot.
it felt great. there are days, when a hot water feels even more blessed.

a lot of years ago, one person told me something like.
-Isa, now you have that chance to prove your loyaty to me.
now i might say back, that loyalty is not actually an option.
nor something to prove or look after for a log run, nah.
you can not switch it on and off like a lamp. it is there or not.

i do not like the word betrayal. made by humans and so rubbish.
but be sure, that i will hunt you down for all the shit, you caused me. bro.

good news. when your plastic surgeon is number one in the world, that`s
something. still hurts as hell but you have some amazing satisfaction fever.
i mean, i would do it again. i know that i will. three days post-op and running.

you can be a lot of things.
but somehow, when you 4 kids running to you, shouting.
-in Hawaii we want to eat loco moco and parfait, mum!

all the bloodshed and heavy days, all the burden, all the sins.
they all seem better. or at least, i want to think that they are.

i remember, how we met.
you were late for one hour and there was Banderas film on TV in the hotel.
all the cruelty, all the tears, all the distance, all the guns and all the roses.
you are my favorite hitman, for all i worth, T.

my kids loooooove you hips.

oh. what i want for this year?
want all the emeralds, i missed at the auction and all the cruise Chanel.
that is impossible how much unnesassary shit you buy when have money.

want to make my kids eat that pineapple parfait or whatever.
i am far from a good person, but you know. family is always first.


@темы: in all its grandeur, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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четверг, 13 сентября 2018
07:51

~quien es la jefa de venga la alegría?

be bad, be mine.
only 5 years ago, i would give anything for food.
who needs le boy or cash, when there is something,
which you need more? like every day or you drop dead?

to put it simple, even the cruise collection piece did
would cost in my eyes less, than a hot cofee included b&b.
i mean, you know. for what it`s worth i am a coffeine mafia.

these days i got myself a couple of new scars and a lot of free time.
nah, i adore those vintage pieces and the rush, the chasing, the win.
i have guys, who would do it for me, but being personally involved is.
immense. daring. challenging. exhausting. like the best sex with antiques.

Paris-Dallas Collection and Wild West was good.

venga la alegria!

my doc says, i am deep down with ptsd. (i just suck it in)
at times i see a dream, which a good sociopath would see.
even the limited edition of xmas dior manicure can not make
me unseen some things and events, that i had to endure.

but.
that mohair cardigan from 14A.
i would definitely lay my hands on it.


@темы: in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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понедельник, 10 сентября 2018
10:37

~we love cheap thrills.

be bad, be mine.
they are doing pumpkin (nutmeg!) latte in Starbucks.
i do not love SB much, but fall takes its turn in the mornings.

it`s been a long time, since i am opening my bank account
and see a lot of figures. i am good at trade, but bad at statics.
but i know for sure, that me these days can easily make twice as you.

if there is no money, thrown in.
what are you actually left with, nah?

do you know my favorite color?
do you know what makes me barf?
can you keep up with the wrecking ball?

i do not think so, no.
on a morning like this i love to dwell on my wars.
on all that i destroyed and all that i built back into life.

i honestly think, that i`m worth more, than one coin.
and i do not like those, who are always only halfway in.

do you think,
the hitman stops on his target only because it`s rainy outside?
or because the mood is low af? hell, i hate hate hate quitters.

i would never, though.
but at least it answers the question.


@темы: refined cruelty, our morbidly pleasant place

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понедельник, 13 августа 2018
10:50

~bueno para nada.

be bad, be mine.
i know a girl, Chelsey.

she is doing her best at staying neat
and cynical, as all good sugar babes are.
i mean, i do not judge. i can relate in a way.

there was a good meme last week.
>would you like to receive 20 grand and all your av history is out?
with your name attached.

okay. NO! ww
some things just can`t be unseen.

(she has those Gucci shoes, i like)
have to contact my buyer again.

@темы: orange maddening sun

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вторник, 07 августа 2018
09:34

~habla me de ti.

be bad, be mine.
-if you ever got time, i would bring you a lunch box every now and then.
-you would feel so much pain and it would so turn you on.
-i would open your chest without an anesthesia, though.

you know, what they say.
marry your bff. it will worth it.

these days i am into mozambique garnet stones.
they are literally digging them up to the form.
it is been a while, since i went to Africa. aww.

hacerte mia mientras el sol va saliendo.

@темы: dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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среда, 25 июля 2018
14:03

~fantasia de la allegria.

be bad, be mine.
when i was a little girl, i wanted to become a Charlotte.
a former ballerina, who lives in NYC, looks every night at
the lights of Empire State Building from her apartment and
has a great collection of pink Louboutins and Chanel bags.

i think, my cruise collection is better. i own a model studio,
so a beautiful shot is not a problem if lights were not so bright.
i do not wear Loubotins every day, because hell is not made that way.

some girls, they just can`t choose.
and i am a former ballerina, as well.

i became a Theresa, though.
that should be close enough?

my ideal of lover is Yandel.
i have all the albums and know all the lyrics.
what could be said more?

some have a dream to live through.
some have to just bear the damn of legacy.

i am proud.
i am proud.

@темы: in all its grandeur, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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четверг, 19 июля 2018
13:07

~tu eres todo.(c)

be bad, be mine.
i do love highways.
when i feel desperate, i use to come down there and watch.
all the things in this world, that got trafficked, pass there.
i love the big trucks and night neon lights, that always still.

i am a good mediator.
i know, that every person desires a different thing and goal.
an upfront character, a girl from the next door, a mercenary.
probably, sex, emotional fireworks and killing the day are the
best things (and only things) that i ever personally, good at.

there is not a single mercy in a world mercenary.
he scares the shit our of you and makes you fight for air.
you always have to be good at lies and keep a track of it.

i own a half of Chanel Greece runway dresses.
but i spend my off days with my favorite guys,
eating noodles in a cheap tavern, throwing all my heels
to the bottom of the closet. and it feels so damn relief.

my professional duty is to tell people, they will be okay.
knowing, that okay is the furthest thing they would end up with.
breathing for air, where there is always sand and southern wind.

but it is okay.
it is okay not to be me.

@темы: alba, our morbidly pleasant place

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четверг, 05 июля 2018
08:58

~todo paso por algo.

be bad, be mine.
we can not all be cute.
sometimes you have to go tribal.
and almost my every day is like a quetzalcoatl routine.

but i love those moments.
when you are keeping it neat in a black blouse on a train,
turning up you sleeve just so a couple of scars went upper.
but he is always looking more classy in that Armani suit,
checking you kindly over the heads of mere mortals. aw.

i might never forget that moment, when he bought a hell
of a manor. (i mean, how much it cost? 5 millions? more??)
just so we could have our space to finish that nasty fight.
i surely felt more calmed down, stepping down that stairs.
burgundy velvet something and probably something marble?
i love a good interior, but i am always bad with names.

it is so strange, that you can dedicate your whole to someone
and still there are less moments, when you actually feel 1to1.
so dark age solitude hits like a rocking ball. at times. yeah.
...
i can`t remember my boys by names,
so i reflect an ink pattern to form a recollection.

i am sad about those dark ages, when the tattoo pattern
began to float into criminal mind. i mean, you could just
chop a hand and be ok, right? and despite of how much
it is to recognize your own belonging and do matter, nah.

at quetzalcoatl times, we all did it.
because for us it meant so much more.
tribal is so not something, you want to fuck with.

just saying.
en este mundo, nos sentimos al estar así.

@темы: refined cruelty, in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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вторник, 26 июня 2018
07:00

~28.

be bad, be mine.
quisiera tener la oportunidad
de poder tenerte encima de mi.

i remember myself crying, the day before.
probably, no profound reason, just distress.
shouting to my king something like,
[it was me, who made you! what do you think, you are??]

probably, i ain`t getting enough sleep these days.

the birthday was a great mess,
starting with a freekish expensive Italian and sliding to
pizza, hugs and cheap whiskey. i love my guys like hell.

getting it to the deep level,
i would have said myself something like this, 10 years ago.

girl, you do need to learn how to kneel.
shred that fucked up pride of yours, it is no good.
they would adore, seeing you down and they take you up.
you will bear no loss, but you will be able to get so much more.
cut babe, cut hard.

no way is easy, Q.
even with all those scars, blood and abyss.
but at least yours will have no regrets.

tu sabes que soy tu hombre.

@темы: dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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пятница, 08 июня 2018
11:00

~algo contigo.

be bad, be mine.
they often ask,
what have you achieved by your 28th birthday?

you know,
when i was about 8, i was all for a PC game, called Might and Magic.
it was that much hilarious, i even put up with recording my every story.
to put it in a nutshell, it goes like this.

you are in an unknown place, with one unicorn and one knife to survive.
around there are no allies and you have to blood your way through to survive.
you do not even have money to buy yourself a healing elixir or something to eat.
but it is all about tactics, connections and making the right moves. and ain`t we all?

if you make it, fighting your every fight, selling yourself your skills at tavern,
leaning little by little and remembering all the roads, not skipping turns, going north..
there might be one day. one fucking single day.

when you have a thousand of unicorns.
when you can buy all the mercenaries.
(they do not even take money, because your are famous af)
when you can take the most expensive necklace at black market.
when you have money, floating and that is why your are learning unnecessary skills.

a great master of hunting? perception? trading?

there might be one day, when you get it all.
or just one road, missed and you are shredded by a pack of wolves.

i loved that game.
i can relate.

@темы: in all its grandeur, dreams, we're dreaming, our morbidly pleasant place

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понедельник, 04 июня 2018
13:35

~la ruleta.

be bad, be mine.
there was a day, when all bones in my body broke.
that day i made myself a promise, that i will not be.

will not be a consort to someone, even if it holds the title.
will not trust anyone and always think the worst outcome first.
will not judge, because who ain`t got flaws and little triads within?

a couple of weeks before my 28th birthday,
i walk around my mansion in my favorite shanghai vs robe,
looking for a jack daniels glass, topped with a frozen cola.
fedex with my new Prada shoes is late and my travel agent
just bending over backwards to hold my Bali tickets to the date.

i might say, it did work for me.
but there are just so many stories, where it does not.

cuentale, ma cuentale,
que solo conmigo tu te sientes mujer.

you always get me, love.
you just always do.

this month inside joke:
[argh, i might lose a finger over it. the blood just ain`t stop flooding.]
[love, you know, that you don`t need that finger to be yourself, nah?]

indeed, i don`t.
i am my own queen.

(my guys always present something like,
[you should make your body more of an AV standard, loose another nnn lbs!])
and i just think, i will likely put myself under a knife for a couple other times, ok,
but i will never try to cease my scars. scars are a proof, that you made your fight.

we all love warriors here.
we love the one, who can fight his part.

i do.

@темы: orange maddening sun, in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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вторник, 22 мая 2018
09:03

~i lost my heart and soul, they say there is no hope.

be bad, be mine.
i rarely celebrate birthdays these days.
but if could turn back and write myself a letter
(sometimes i go deep down transcendental shit)
i would sound something like this or that.

everything, you would consider eternal is a shadow.
to say more, a deception. there are going to be days,
you wish you were dead. because it would feel like hell.
a knife scar from the gang night will feel like nothing,
comparing to what will come next. did you know, that.
a human body could actually endure a lot of physical pain?
and if you think, you are out, you actually can keep it on?
yeah, girl. only in the movies they pass out fast and clean.
because you won`t pass out.

you think, you are a trophy. a beautiful prize with an S. syndrome.
when all of your self-esteem goes down the drain, you decide to
reconsider. but it is just too scary to think, that you will lose your mentor.
did you know, that there is a consort Queen. but there is no consort King?
okay, no problem. when you stay and wash through the ashes and all, you
ever thought meaningful is burned down, you have to find a will to move on.
the war is over. the King is dead. you have nothing, but nothing seems good
enough to me, nah? at least, it a start-up to build something better or new.

a lot of betrayal, a broken back, a lot of new scars to cover with the old ink.
a lot of amendment, which leads to a drop of trust, which tends to be poison.
you might own all the Jupiters in the universe, but you do not own your solitude.

but, girl.
when you think that love is dead and you can not personalize yourself from abyss.
remember, that you will fall in love again. a guy, who is just as broken as you are.
and it would feel right. and it would feel fit. and you won`t regret, dying once or twice.

you will hurt a lot of people. you will become mean and cold as the stars are.
and you will become a good mother. and you will become a good queen.

you will fall in love again.
you will fall in love again.

@темы: refined cruelty, in all its grandeur

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среда, 09 мая 2018
13:55

~pre-summer y lo mejor.

be bad, be mine.
there are these days, i feel so old. night.
where are my days of mini-skirts, blueberry cigarettes and long nights?

my remarks of adulting be like:

Maldives got cancelled, because someone gone wrecking ball.
i got my sweetest revenge and booked the most expensive hotel in Bali.
because, for no long i have been swimming through abyss for ten years.
i want my bikini, margarita, rose petals milk bath and all that strange shit.

sometimes i just eat a whole cheesecake and think, that it`s worth it.
and if it is not, there is always a doctor, who can cut in me one more time.
yeah, babe. cut me more. general anesthesia scares me more, than anything.
what is scary? i do not know. sunday waterboarding? (man with a scalpel is hot)

i can not recall all cruise collections, there are so many and i am so busy.
those Chanel from 2016 are nice and new Bvl. snake eternity bag is LOVE.

in my being 28 next month, i find it hard to keep up with my guys fire.
minus all those abs, how could you all go through the night? yeah?
another fifth round my head starts to spin around. am i old already?

adulthood butterflies is to not ask your partners name, until he is leaving.
[you will not find me in your bed, when you wake up, i promise].

i mean, how mature. nah.

these days money solve almost everything.
how beautiful you are, summer.

@темы: refined cruelty, in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place, house at the end of the world

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вторник, 10 апреля 2018
15:06

~he is my mafia.(c)

be bad, be mine.
my partner says, i have a huge movie vision.
i do admit, apart from documentaries, movie is a good fiction.

i mean, 10 years ago we did not have a damn SNS.
if you needed to find someone, who sells pancakes or guns?
you should have done a lot of wrongs in finding a right door.
now, the world becomes more ..adjustable? laid down? just?

i mean, i put up likes with French pancakes on Instagram.
sometimes through all the times does not get to have a change.
girls love sweets. i love to eat whole cakes when the timing is good.
(my) children do not eat sauteed vegetables. why? damn them.
if you want to buy something, you have to know someone.
but today all of us are on sns, just a snap, a hitch, a word, a line.

none the less i love candles,
modern is useful.

@темы: in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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четверг, 05 апреля 2018
09:40

~al tragarme las parabras.

be bad, be mine.
i am like.

- i`ve seen that Chanel tweed coat on a Thailand princess?
but it seems to be out of stock everywhere, my buyer is a stud.
→quite badass to my liking, but even he was taking his just time.

-i`ve seen that dress in 4th episode on that girl, the dress is a killer.
but my, it was 2014 show and for any money they say it can`t be found.
(i am not shy, when it comes to a fashion item. i can offer a LOT.)

he is like.

-wait a moment girl, don`t go anywhere.

just able to find those two and get them delivered to my door step in a month.
(i thought my heart would drop, when the dress was crossing over the Atlantic.
from Palo Alto, checking the tracking number every other second even at work.)

a snap of fingers, a snap of millions?

i always thought, that (especially for our kind)
the lost art of enchanting someone is eternally lost.

what can i say?

enamorado de ti.
todos los dias.
...
when they ask, what kind of work i am doing,
dropping all the nasty and out of line black details,
i say, that i am a hell of a mediator. world class, nah.

i make it sure, that the transaction is done and everyone is happy.

but i hate people. i do not trust anyone, outside my guys.
i always make my hair, body and teeth done exactly by the same person.
(body done equals cosmetic surgeries and other medical care, not sex).

sometimes i find it deeply ironic.
sometimes i just dwell on it.

@темы: in all its grandeur, our morbidly pleasant place

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пятница, 16 марта 2018
12:55

~you always knew.

be bad, be mine.
the greatness does not come up with the title, love.
as much as i have wanted it to see with my own eyes
the hereditary beauty of being someone, those times are lost.

and it is not me, who is actually choosing. because they do.
because it ain`t matter, how much money and power you keep.
if those, who lay under, define you as one, who is to be out..
probably, it is not even me, who could stop what is about to come.

distinguish and rejoy.

no soy el ideal
tarde o temprano
te voy a engañar.
...
between plastic surgeries, seeing houses, chanting on SS season ETRO tassel dress,
making assholes loose their jobs-they-don`t-deserve, i am busy as hell this spring.
next week they promise cherry blossoms, but i am so sad, that it was so much worth it,
when my lover made me quit smoking, but after i hit pneumonia last year i just can not stop.
coughing. as if i had smoked all the cigars in the world and my lungs, they just dropped dead.

i catch my breath, every time i see the ink, falling down your back, just that symmetrically.
a little bit more, than a half of the lower hip, reminding the scales of the.. snake? dragon?
so beautiful, i could actually die, from my heart, beating faster, when you let me touch it.

i know exactly, how much pain i could endure.
but wabori? nah. you should know best.

@темы: down to amalgamation, refined cruelty, house at the end of the world

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